"Sticks & Stones"

by Lauren Pechacek



Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me.  - Oh really?!

The words we speak to ourselves can often be the words that hurt us the most.

I remember coming home from the doctor with my list of “can’t have” foods.

I stood in front of pantry with bitter determination, thinking, “how bad could this possibly be?”

Several grocery bags later, an empty pantry, refrigerator, and icebox...I realized that this was bad.
Reading labels opened up a whole new world...my pesky allergens were in EVERYTHING!

What was I going to eat? What was I supposed to do when I craved the things I was allergic too? I had to literally change my mind about good, “healthy food.” These things I could no longer have were not inherently bad or evil, but my body's response to them was. How was I going to change my entire diet...overnight?

I confess, like many adults struggling with food allergies, I did not handle it well.

My “adjustment” was radical. I ate very little in the first few weeks. All of my go-to recipes were no longer safe.
Eating out was definitely not an option. In all of this, I struggled not to just have a little of (the offensive food).

I began telling myself, “I can’t have that, it will kill me.”
Was this a true statement?
Well, yes it was. But in my effort to keep myself safe from my own desires and cravings, cross-contact, and a host of other terrifying scenarios, I began building an unscalable wall around me, in my own mind.

Years ago I made the decision to stop watching CSI, Criminal Minds, and NCIS. I found my mind overwhelmed with fear. I would always drive around a bit before parking my car, envisioning one of the many episodes where a serial killer was hiding behind a bush. Although the possibility of someone attacking me is not impossible, it was certainly not something I needed occupying my thoughts all the time.

So, several years after receiving my “list” a few trips to the hospital and the “list” growing, I had to make another decision. Is having a reaction a possibility? Absolutely. Do I need to be constantly telling myself “That will kill me.” No. The goal is to stay safe and healthy.

While I was staying safe, I was making myself unhealthy. So from freedom to the snares of bondage, I think I have found a balance in my words.

I now say, “I can’t have that, but I can have this.” Now, it is less fear based, and more about my choice, “This makes me sick but this does not.”

I know it is popular to refer to our food allergies as “life-threatening” and there are times and places that is needed. But, not in our heads and our hearts.

I know the reality of my food allergies. I know what it means to use an Epi-Pen, several times over. I also know what it is to live in a self-made hell of fear. Dwelling on all the possibilities of what could go wrong, dealing with the aftermath of reaction when you have been so careful.

I get it. But, instead of surrounding our minds with forty-foot walls fifteen feet deep, topped with barbed-wired and broken glass bottles, maybe we could change it out for a little white picket fence? One you can see over and through. ? One that allows us the you freedom to think creatively about living and flourishing with your food allergies?

What words are you speaking to yourself? Are they helpful or hurtful? Do you feel walled-in? Would you like to stay safe and also be healthy? Maybe consider writing down the words you speak to yourself. What could you change them to?

We can’t change the reality of food allergies, but we can certainly change how we view and interact with them. 

Lauren is owner of Flourish with Food Allergies, a certified AllerCoach firm based out of Houston, Texas. You can personally connect with Lauren at facoachtx@gmail.com

We Are what We Eat

As a food allergic we are focused as much on what we can eat as we are on what we can't eat.

Our lives often are consumed by staying alive and staying well. It's all about what we put in our bodies.  After all, one particle per million could send us into a deadly disaster and/or make us ridiculously sick for a very long time. (Not fun!) This is good reason to feel a little obsessed about food.

I've read 1000's of  stories now on the "hell" of being newly diagnosed with over 8 different allergies- many related to just foods. Some people have been diagnosed with over 32 food allergies.

Where we eat, where we travel, who we date, who we socialize with, how we socialize, where we work, how we work, when we cook, where we cook, where we shop... have all become a focused part of this giant picture we now call life as a food allergic.

The saying, "We are what we eat," hits me today as I think about what I am NOT due to food allergies. In my case I am not a salmon, a ginger, a peanut, a nut at all, a vanilla, a coffee, a banana, a cranberry, a soybean, an orange, lemon or lime or latex or milk.

So what am I?

If you could describe yourself as a food or beverage what would you be?

One of my favorite jobs ever is being a chef/cook.  I love to put together new foods and appeal to appetites. I love finding myself in the food itself. I love putting together new challenging menus. While I was always a food lover, the cooking but didn't hit me until I was much older. In my younger years it was baking, because baking was a family affair. Then something changed within me.

I had been exposed to some of the greatest chefs growing up. My food life was expansive by the time I was 18. I had eaten more foods than most people will ever eat in a lifetime.  I was spoiled but didn't know it. My family owned a produce business and restaurants were some of our best clients. My first fine dining experiences were often in the back of the kitchen after delivering produce and a long hard, dirty day of work. Some chefs were kind enough to give me a full tasting menus. I never knew how good I had it until I find out that wasn't the "norm."

When food allergies struck me in my early 20's for the first time, I had to step up in my own kitchen. The more food allergies I developed and the more severe they became, the better my chef skills became. I was not going to sacrifice good food and great flavors just because of this new disease. I would overcome.

If I am what I eat.

Today I am beef, mushroom, potato with fresh chopped basil and a few red beets. Tomorrow I may be a tomato, basil eggplant. Sometimes I am just a pork chop- but a good pork chop with a side of fresh applesauce and a little salt and pepper.

If I am what I eat.

Then I am fresh, rich, colorful, packed with flavor individual.

We talk about not letting our disease be us in our support groups. We talk about focusing on what we can eat. We talk about positive affirmations but as I write down how I eat and what I eat, I find a lot of truth to how it mimics my life.

I don't think for longer than even a week, I've lived a vanilla life.

The moral of the story is to love your food. Celebrate what you are putting in your body. Value it because food is the stuff that fuels our body but generally the experience around food (cooking, socializing, serving) is what fuels our soul.

If all you have is a box of Kraft Mac N cheese... spice it up with a little pepper and add a little green garnish. Serve it a beautiful non-plastic bowl and use real silverware. Sit down at the table. Turn on some music. Light a candle. Pick a flower from a garden and place it on the table. Then with every bite savor that moment in your food. It changes your perspective entirely.

Love yourself enough to feed yourself well. You deserve it.